I began writing songs when I was 12. I've been writing poetry since I was about 11, but the inclusion of a little Yamaha keyboard (or Casio, can't remember anymore) in my life when I was young got the whole song thing rolling for me. Not that my songs were any good at the age of 12. Luckily I don't remember any of them now, because I'm sure they were probably full of pubescent angst and longings I couldn't even clarify for myself back then.
I started making music when I was about 16. I still always had words to go with them, but back then I always thought them too cheesy, and so never really included them. Well, I also never had a decent microphone to record them on, so that was also a factor. And that is also probably a good thing, because I still remember one song I wrote when I was 17...it had the word 'ostentatious' in it, just because I loved that word. Who the hell writes songs with words like that in them? So I forgot about writing songs and just focused on writing music.
When I decided to try and write songs again, I was 23. And I had a boyfriend. I wrote a song and made this music for it, and played it for him. The song was about going to some guy's house wanting some nice cuddly time and being met with someone who just wanted a lay. His first response? "Is this about me?" It was nothing about him, and I told him so. "Well, who is it about then?" Umm...nobody. Just something I thought up. It went with the music, and it sounded kinda cool...and that was it.
(Damn boys!:)
I scrapped the song, and never wrote another one until I broke up with him. Then I wrote 3 songs, but only one got made (Existences, 2001)
Around age 25 I began writing again. Most were extremely depressing songs. "What It's Like" (2004) was one of them, and after recording that and getting the response, "That is the most depressing song I've ever heard in my life," I thought maybe I should try to write something a bit happier. I have several notebooks filled with song lyrics that either never made it to the music stage, or I figured they were just too cheesy sounding to continue with. I revisited some of those songs later on, but still...the songwriting process was slow. I was still basically learning how to play by ear according to my voice, or writing for the music I was making. Just kinda getting a feel for my own pattern, I guess.
Then I made "Be A DJ" (2005). Nothing I was singing in...in my opinion, that song was just a silly little parody that ended up sounding pretty good. But I had a (different) boyfriend at the time and, all gushy and excited over my new song (which was inspired by him), I played it for him. His first response?
"Who's Mike?"
(A line in the song references a fictitious buddy named Mike.)
After much consoling from me that I NEVER had a friend named Mike that I would borrow records from, I quit writing again, at least not until I broke up with that guy. I wrote my first 'real' song 2 days after we broke up. It's ready for a new treatment, but it's never been released. Mostly because it's all about him. Not that anyone else would know when they listen to it, unless they knew every facet of our lives together.
**Funny...these guys who thought my nonsensical songs were all about them and likely had no chance of going anywhere anyway had no idea that they may be fodder for some songs later in life. I'll be fair...I only wrote a song each about each of them, and I doubt anyone else but me will ever hear them. But I wish I hadn't shut myself down because of that...who knows where I'd be now if I just wrote whatever I wanted to and didn't care what they thought at the time?**
That being said, yes...every song I've made and posted that deals with love *has* been inspired by someone in my life, relationship-wise...now. But truth be told, for every 5 I make, only 1 gets completely finished. I've gone through a rough time of that within the last few years, and every time I get hurt, I need to pour it out. But to me, they seem so generic that you wouldn't know who unless you knew of me and my relationships....this includes the guys who had inspired me. There are maybe 5 people on this earth that may be able to surmise exactly *who* they are about. Also, I try and shy away from the whole "my heart is broken and I will never go on again without you" theme, because I think it's straight bullshit. You know what? You get your heart broken, you let it hurt, you let it heal, and you move on. That's all anyone can ever do. Hell, it's happened to me too many times to count. When it happens now, I simply process it and move on. During the processing, I realize that it may hurt for a bit, but after a while I will likely just look back on it with nothing more than a twinge of sadness. No...I like to emphasize the fact that no matter what happens or how much you're hurting, everything will be ok. :)
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